Monday, 10 July 2017

I don't want to give up!

I'm scared. Terrified.

Right now I can't see a path from Where I'm At to Where I Want to Be. I'm scared I'll lose all hope and give up on life. I'm scared I won't make it through this rough patch. I'm scared of losing all my friends and support.

I don't want to die, I just don't quite want to live either.

I want a real life, with a family of my own, with kids, with a real job, with lots of friends. I want to have kids and see them grow up. I want to get married. I want to meet someone who makes my life light up.

I don't want to be this heartbroken, slightly suicidal mess who's feeling alienated from all her friends. 

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Spiralling

Sometimes I feel like my life is spiralling out of control.

I saw a shrink yesterday. Her theory is bipolar type 2. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Either way, she's sending me on to a psychiatrist for further evaluation. Wish me luck!