Sunday, 15 November 2015

The kind of guilt you only feel when your day is really bad and then terrorists hit Paris and facebook explodes in support.

I think I need to talk to my doc about my meds. I've been feeling all kinds of off for the past week and a half. I did suspect PMS, but when six days had passed without any bleeding I wasn't so sure any more.

Five days after that my uterus decided to be all like "No baby this month either? Well, I'm gonna make you feel sorry you were ever born!!" So now I've got cramps and my mood is still out of whack. PMS IS SUPPOSED TO GO AWAY WHEN THE CRAMPS COME! I'm not supposed to have any overlap. It's called PRE menstrual s-something. THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY OVERLAP!

And then facebook explodes in support for Paris, and I just feel really shitty cos here I am complaining about cramps and brain chemistry when PEOPLE ARE DYING! I'm safe. I'm alive. As far as I know, no one I know has been directly affected.

And I the guilt just makes my already crappy day feel even worse.

And then I feel guilty about that.

And then my mood spirals down into a black hole.

And my partner chose this specific weekend to leave the country and go drink beer with friends. And I just wish he was here to take care of me. And then I feel guilty about that.

And then I see a facebook picture of them all in Vienna being all happy and I get kinda angry.

And then I feel guilty about that.

And then my mood just curls up in that black hole and demand chocolate. 

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