Saturday, 23 January 2016

Found my old blog

I used to write a lot on my old blog. Over three years (summer of 2007 through summer of 2010) I wrote some 800 posts about my life. I processed some trauma, chronicles my first relationship in detail, and I think I only stopped blogging when I started getting really involved in my extra curricular clubs in University.

I wish there was an easy way to link these two blogs while still keeping them separate. Someday I should probably read through the archives properly, to see how my memories line up with the stuff written nearly in real time.

I see some parallels in my current relationship to that first one. I'm not sure I'm actually supposed to ever be in a serious, monogamous relationship. I'm starting to feel a bit trapped in this one tbh, but there are a few factors working together to keep me here. I do love him, we live together, so untangling out lives would be a pain. I'm dealing with some mental health issues, so I don't really have the energy to deal with uncoupling. And I'm hoping that this feeling will pass.

Am I just a horrible girlfriend in general?

What do I actually want out of that part of my life? Do I want to forever juggle a couple of friends with benefits type relationships? Do I want something properly serious?

I think I want kids some day.

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