Friday, 29 January 2016

Unexpected Residual Feelings

There is this guy, i used to consider him "the one who got away" for a long time. We talked on the phone today. It was weird. He talked about some things that was going on between him and his girlfriend and it mirrored some of the stuff that went down between us back in 2010. And I just want to reach back in time, give past-me a giant hug and tell her she deserves better.

I realised I had some residual feelings for him, and I just have to find a way to live with that. What I don't have to live with is the belief that he was my " perfect guy" and that I'll never get anything as good as what we could've had. Past-me deserved a lot better than what he was capable of giving me back then.

So does present-me.

And future-me.

I deserve some one who'll prioratise me in a way that he never did. Someone who cares about me, and shows it even when it isn't easy, in a way this guy never did.

This guy isn't "the one who got away", he's just the one I had the hardest time getting over. The one who bailed before we knew if we had a chance, leaving me with a fuck ton of what-ifs. He isn't "the one who got away" cos relationships aren't about catching someone and holding them down, it's about choosing each other every day.

Relationships are about choice.

Now my emotions just have to get that memo as well.

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